Internal Power Struggle.

This morning a dear friend shared with me a Lauryn Hill song that is so fitting to how my spirit feels about the systems I am currently in close proximity to, within this experience as a fellow of the AU EU Youth Plug-In Initiative leading up to the AU EU Summit.

“I get out, I’ll get out of all your boxes
I get out, you can’t hold me in these chains
Your stinkin’ resolution is no type of solution
Preventin’ me from freedom, maintainin’ your pollution
I could care less if you’re upset
See, it don’t change the truth
And your hurt feeling’s no excuse
To keep me in this box, psychological locks
Repressin’ true expression
Cementin’ this repression
Promotin’ mass deception
So that no one can be healed
I don’t respect your system
I won’t protect your system
When you talk I don’t listen
Oh, let my Father’s will be done
Oh, you’d have everyone believe
That you’re the sole authority
Just follow the majority
Afraid to face reality – the system is a joke
Oh, you’d be smart to save your soul
Oh, and escape this mind control
You spent your life in sacrifice to a system for the dead
Oh, are you sure, where is the passion in this living?
Are you sure it’s God you serving?
Obligated to a system
Getting less then you’re deserving
Who made up these schools, I say
Who made up these rules, I say
Animal conditioning, oh, just to keep us as a slaveOh, just get out of this social purgatory
Just get out, all these traditions are a lie
Just get out, superstition killin’ freedom
Knowin’ my condition is the reason I must die, ahh”
I felt so much release when listening to this song, as it so eloquently described my feelings towards the leaders, systems, and toxic economic development paradigm we are all at the will of.
Now I sit late at night typing policy and project recommendations, to submit to the tables of people that contribute to a system in which I spiritually despise.  I am doing it because I want to make a change ( I hear the laugh of my friend Aganze’s voice as he calls out my white saviour complex ).   I am here because I want to make an alternate voice heard, and to capitalise on the opportunities that may come from meeting the huge investors that I am currently surrounded by, with all the financial and technical resources that they have.  This is a particular mind bender for me, as I spend the majority of my year living and working off nothing; trying desperately to find such small resource to contribute to the work I do in service to my community. 
I read an article this evening that further troubled my mind..
‘To formally create a unified Africa poses a substantial threat to the global economic system and capitalism altogether. Capitalism operates when the means of production (materials, factories and labour forces) are privately owned for the benefit of the bourgeoisie. This is a system that is essential for the survival of the Western world, a region with minimal natural resources and an increasingly ageing workforce.
Africa, on the other hand, is abundant in natural resources and labourers. It does not need capitalism to survive, yet it relies on it. Attempts to offset the global economic disparities by creating an investment bank; or a single African Currency; trading in Gold as opposed to fiat money or US dollars poses a “threat to the financial security of mankind”. That these bold steps have been linked to the death of key Pan-African leaders, such as Gaddafi, and the destruction of the countries. – but one thing is clear, the AU remain unwilling to unleash this threat.
The AU would do well to remember their founding fathers guidance that institutional strength is the key to unity, cast aside fears over disrupting capitalism and emerge as the world-power their resources entitle them to be’
This article positions a point of view which I believe to be true.  Actors such as the European Commission and the European Investment Bank are not altruistic in their nature.  Their investments are calculated to protect the interests of the European Union, to maintain the uneven power dimensions and to continue the donor – recipient relationship between the two continents, which in the end favours big business and the elite few.
I don’t have the answer to this turmoil that I feel.  All I know is that I need to speak my truth and act in line with my values and spirit; but without strategy, what use will all my creativity, energy and critical thinking have?  I know we are amongst a generation of young people that want change, and have the will to do it, but how do we channel such energy into the revolution we need?
The journey continues.